Hello I am trying to be disciplined
bessina
It's kind of fun having a secret blog that only two people know about.  Although, I think this causes me to write in it less since I talk to both of those people almost daily.  Hi Olivia! Hi Katy! Anyways, today had only two noteworthy events.  I tried to go to the pool again with Kaetlyn but alas, I forgot the small electronic grey key that opens the club gate and was DENIED ENTRY! Katie had already been suited up and lathered in sunscreen by the time I noticed it was missing (she insists on being the one to rub in the Coppertone SPF 50, even though her five year old hands don't quite have the dexterity and she ends up looking like a snowman), but I figured it wouldn't be too big of a deal.  After all, we've been going every morning for a week now, and there's usually only 4 or 5 other swimmers maximum at this time of day.  Not exactly a happenin' place.  So the two of us stand awkwardly by the gate for awhile, and then a lifeguard that I RECOGNIZE comes up and and gives me this look like "what are you doing?" so I explain.  There's this awkard pause, and then the girl gives us this awkward, overly apologetic speech about strict club policy something something, I can't let you in, assuming you live around here could you like, go back and get it? I explain that it's on the counter at my house in Durham, and then to my surprise she put on her shades and apologizes once again and then starts to walk away.  As soon as she turns around in her tacky Red Cross bikini, Katie starts crying really loudly and collapses on the sidewalk.  Lifeguard awkwardly doesn't look back.  Who does that?
It's time for me to eat dinner I'll write about the other noteworthy thing later.

(no subject)
bessina
I just put Kaetlyn down for her nap and as I walked by her parent's bedroom I got this uncontrollable urge to dive into their bed and fall asleep as well.  They own very comfortable looking pillows, plus king size duvets always feel so luxurious, you know what I mean?  But responsibility prevailed so now I'm writing a blog entry.  
Today my babysitting charge and I went to the shmancy club pool and upon close inspection I seem to have gotten a half a shade darker after my afternoon in the sun- excitement! Okay, it's pretty unnoticeable, Olivia you're not going to be able to see it but you have the unfair advantage of visibly Turkish heritage so you should factor that in.  My other accomplishment of the day is that I've actually started to take photos again! Digital cameras are so much cheaper to maintain, and my mom is letting me borrow hers since she never uses it.  Perhaps I will post some of the good ones tonight? Perhaps.  Oh man Mystery Diagnosis is on I must away!

(no subject)
bessina
Things I learned today: Cary is a shithole filled with Targets and teenagers who try to be Brandon Flowers, I hate driving on the highway.  My last entry reads like it's really overwritten, so I'm going to try to edit this one less/not at all.  Yeah okay Olivia, I know you're like a blog superstar and everything but let's take the high road and not laugh at me just cause I'm new and don't know about blog things, alright? Actually I was just reading your blog (did you get my friend request? did you accept it?) and admiring your straightforwardness.  I wish I could just write about people in my life who piss me off but for some reason I have this fear of  typing it all out...even if I post it as "friends only".  But I'm going to try.  Right now I hate only one person's guts, perhaps undeservedly so, but they deserve it to at least some extent and quite frankly I don't care.  Plus, I am human and you can't like everybody.  But like I was saying this one gal that I hate is unbelievably shallow and unoriginal, and tries to pose as intelligent and creative by copying other people.  Whenever I feel overwhelmed I pool all of my life's frustrations into despising this one person, which is probably really unhealthy.  I want to get past this.  My hatred was rekindled yesterday when reading the yearbook and I had to remember what a fake, ridiculous person she is.  But you know what? I feel slightly better now that I've written this out.  In a really passive aggressive way I feel like I'm taking action against the evil that is this girl.   
In other news right now a friend of Lillie's that I've never met is talking to me online.  This has been going on for months, even though I only respond one out of every ten times he tries to contact me.  I have no idea why someone I've never met would want to talk to me so much.  I never say interesting things during our conversations.  His name is Theodore something something and he seems perfectly nice, I just don't know what to make of him AT ALL. 
I am extremely sleep deprived...time for bed, and babysitting at 8:30 AM

(no subject)
bessina
I'm typing this entry lying down in the middle of an empty bed frame because it's the cleanest available spot in my room right now.  There are piles everywhere- books and clothes mostly, along with bits of furniture and a huge pile of random knick-knacks that I've deemed impossible to throw away.  Cleaning my room always makes me wish that I were better organized, and that I didn't have serious pack rat issues.  Why do I insist on keeping meaningless notes that people wrote me during class in middle school, or every single photo I've ever taken even the bad ones, or dusty carnations that Trevor Logsdon and Michael Eggleston gave to me in 9th grade.  Normal people don't have these kinds of attachments! Every time I start to throw something away, I become convinced that I'll need it at a later date.  "No don't do that," I say convincingly, "don't get rid of that adorable three foot mini tape measure,  It's going to be vital next week.  You need this."   
My mom suggested that I put these sorts of things in a box in the garage, and then give them away or throw them out when a few weeks have passed and we've "had some time apart".  I think she was kidding, but so far it's working alright.
This paragraph took me at least half an hour to write...god damn.

Some things to think about later:
The party at Dede's last night was strange.  All the friend dynamics in our group are so incredibly different now.  Is it weird/good? Just weird? I'm not sure.
Sophia had better come back from Argentina SOON.  I can't handle all this excessive sisterly travelling.  IT IS HORRIBLE!

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